DR. PHIL MAKE ME A STAR IN MY OWN LIFE!!

I've disappeared for the last 6 months. For those of you who have followed my journey before I wen't M.I.A., you may recall some struggles I've had with my career. My lack of employment has consumed me these days, and become my number one focus. Not that I am not still taking steps to get healthy, it's just the constant stress of living without a consistent income is taking its toll. Getting my career together has moved to the number one position in my priority list. I hope to have some updates in the weight loss category soon, but in the meantime, here is a recent video I submitted to the Dr. Phil show in hopes of getting some help. Enjoy!

Dr. Phil Make Me A Star In My Own Life Video

REALITY TV IN THE MAKING

I'm sorry about the sporadic posts.  I will continue to write this blog, but expect one or two posts a week rather than a daily thing.  I just can't keep up as the only author of this blog.

You can not imagine the week I've had!  This new job is proving to be a real challenge in more ways than one.  I am going at a pace that is unrealistic in terms of producing quality photographs.  I do the best I can, of course, but unfortunately America has taken to quick, cheap, and easy as opposed to something more long lasting.  I'm not sure what we do can be labeled photography.  We get them in, pose them, throw some cheap props into the mix, rework the images with fancy software and then print them on the spot. This serves a great purpose for a large group of people, but as someone who truly loves and respects the art of photography, you can imagine how this is bumming me out!

I realize that despite the lack of artistic nature, there are still some good lessons here even if the only skill  I can take away is being able to work at a ridiculous pace.  Still, some crazy things have happened that no professional can be prepared for.  Probably the most notable example is the one I'm about to share.  I had a middle-aged couple looking to get some photographs not much different from what any young couple who had just gotten engaged would expect.  I had a partner for this one and was actually not behind the camera at the time.  Instead, I was encouraging poses that look loving and doing my best to arrange the shot in a flattering manner.  I can't say either member of this couple was particularly good looking, but the female was really presenting some challenges.  She was wearing a very, very, tight and short dress with bare legs that were covered in tattoos.  Oddly enough she had chosen the wrong shoes.  This sexy apparel was teamed up with what looked like size ten oxfords...?  Hmmm.....how to sit this woman down without seeing her business was becoming a challenge.  She was quite a bit taller than her boyfriend and so the standing shots were losing some playfulness.  Not to mention, the heavily tattooed legs combined with the manly shoes was making the full body shots less than feminine.  At one point I seated her on the seamless with her legs tucked behind her hoping we could work out the intricacies of the short skirt when...Houston we have a problem!  Her dick fell out.

I wish I could tell you I was making this up, but fiction like this is too good for me to have written.  I nearly leaped in the air.  I was not prepared for that. When I concerned myself with hiding her business, I assumed what we were hiding was female in nature.  I stared up at the five o' clock shadow on her face and soon realized I was not crazy.  I had indeed witnessed a bulge that was rather unexpected.  I turned around to see if my partner behind the lens had taken notice and very quickly she suggested that we place the "girl" behind the man, something we rarely do for this pose.  I can not tell you the amount of self-control it took to carry on.  I think both of us were too shocked to have a proper reaction in the moment.  Not shocked that this woman could be a man (as I mentioned earlier looks was not "her" forte) but more so that on my first full week of photo shoots I had gotten the Tranny!!

This stuff could only happen to me!  When you are bombarded with photo shoots that contain one or more screaming children you can not imagine the relief when you get a couple.  Easier to give direction, easier for them to take direction, and a lot less time wasted on developing trust.  I can honestly say that I now look at clients a bit different after this.  I went into a near panic when a day later I found myself doing a sitting with another couple requesting boudoir photos.  Clearly not something we do at a children's studio.  But she insisted the shots were pin-up style at best and did not involve nudity.  I called in some back-up for this one.  Together we turned out some okay pics, but really that style is a genre all in itself and really shouldn't be taken on by us.  Certainly not an ordinary week.  A bit of a white trash picnic.

Due to both the stress and crazy schedule, I was forced to eat out several times this week which kills my weight-loss efforts and blows any excess cash I might have earned doing all of this.  If this continues, I will no doubt need to look for other work.  I thought this was the right path for me but amongst all the chaos, stress, and exhaustion, a Plain Jane office job is not sounding so bad right now.  Pray I make it through another week!

“Anything I’ve ever done that ultimately was worthwhile initially scared me to death.”  -Betty Bender  

HELL WEEK & THE OBLITERATION OF THE MIDDLE CLASS!

Oh my Lord!  What a trying week!  That new job I was so excited about......?!?!  Let's just say this has been one of the worst weeks of my life.  I don't think I've been this challenged since my short stint as a 911 operator at 19.  That job led to a position working for the Post Office; also a challenge. I've had a lot of jobs in my lifetime, and a lot of occupational responsibility early on.  When most kids were flipping burgers and dishing out ice cream, I was dispatching help to those in life threatening situations and getting up at the crack of dawn to run sorting machines for the U.S. Postal Service.  I'd like to think I can handle most any kind of job stress being older and, thus, wiser and more experienced.  But nothing could prepare me for this week.

I had to drive an hour and a half to and from a training session every day this week.  That would not have been so laborious had I been scheduled for a forty hour week.  But I worked ten and twelve hour days straight through the weekend without a day off.  On top of being physically exhausted, I've been mentally exhausted from the amount of information crammed down my throat. I also started this week having both a cold and a sprained ankle for which I am only now feeling some relief.  Having finally succeeded starting a day without a head full of cold medicine and a gut full of Ibuprofen, I walked into twenty-eight scheduled photo shoots.  Toddlers, babies, children with behavior problems & disabilities, grandma's who can't stand, grandpa's who can't sit, and parents with unrealistic expectations that don't meet their budgets or time constraints. Welcome to the world of portrait photography!  I must be insane! I am managing all of this, having never done this type of work professionally before, and being surrounded by a bunch of  staff members who are half my age (my boss is 21)

Worse still is the insufficient amount of training employers provide these days. A training program that should have spanned three weeks has been condensed to four days.  They don't want to spend the time, energy, or manpower to get you properly up to speed so you are thrown to the wolves and expected to survive.  It's sink or swim baby!  Heck, they don't even want to waste the paper it takes to get you properly trained!  I noticed not one thing covered in training was provided to me in written form.  "You want to know this, I suggest you memorize it right now because we don't plan on giving you a copy of this!"  That really shouldn't come as a surprise given I had to print all of my employment documentation (from polices, to dress code, to W2's) on my own printer and then mail it to the corporate office!  It cost me $18.30 in postage just to accept the offer, and an additional stamp or two for the paperwork they forgot to include.  Not to mention, one printer cartridge!

What is the world coming to?!  When did having a job become such a burden?! It's like they want you to pay them for the opportunity to work now.  All this and hardly any pay as I can tell you that I made the same wage almost nineteen years ago at my before mentioned teenage jobs.  I can't imagine why the middle class has been obliterated when the cost of living has doubled, but my income has stayed the same.  Here are some fun facts.  In 1991 when I worked that 911 job for roughly a dollar less per hour than what I am earning today, the average cost of a house was $120,000, the cost of gas was $1.12 per gallon, and a pound of bacon was $1.95.  I can tell you I bought a house two years ago and it cost twice that, it takes over $50 bucks to fill my gas tank and I drive a mid-priced sedan, and the pack of Oscar Meyer I have in the fridge cost me $5.99.  Care to know what the median income was in 1988..?? That would be twenty-three years ago...$33,400.  Care to know what it was in 2008??  You guessed it, $33,000.

Moving on....

I am proud of myself for one thing.  Despite my troubles, I did not medicate myself with food this week.  Believe me, that was no easy task.  Especially when I gained three pounds despite having stuck to my eating plan.  My only explanation would be the extreme stress coupled with ten hours of sitting all day through training sessions.  I have hit a tough wall because I am trying really hard to get under the 250's and instead I keep teetering back and forth, barely staying under 260.  A little discouraging when you got so much more weight to lose!  I will continue to press on.  Hopefully now that training has turned to the hustle and bustle of non-stop photo shoots, some of those pounds will melt away.  I can't tell you how much easier it is to control your weight when you don't have a job or work part-time.  You get to move about freely through your day and eat what you want, when you want. You have plenty of hours and energy to devote to the gym, and very little outside stress to deal with.  Wish me luck as I press on with this career change.  Hopefully things get better soon.  I can't imagine they could get worse!  LOL.  If not, I guess I'll be back in the unemployment line :-(

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” -Drew Carey

TERRIFIC TOOLS

I just wanted to share with you guys a really cool tool I came across the other day.  It is a nutritional calculator like no other I've encountered.  It allows you to select how many daily calories you'd like to eat, and the number of sittings, and then builds a menu plan around it.  You can choose to check the "this is a workout day" box and the selections change to suit energy demands.  You can eliminate certain foods or entire food groups based on preference.  In "sandbox mode" you can enter the foods you've consumed throughout the day and it will automatically calculate nutritional info and calorie count.  Check it out! :-)

Nutrition Calculator

FROM DINKS TO SINKS

My husband and I are just a couple of DINKS.  For those of you unfamiliar with the term, it's an acronym for DUAL-INCOME, NO KIDS.  Though recently we had become (how fitting) SINKS, SINGLE-INCOME, NO KIDS :-(  That's one depressing acronym!  All that is about to change.  Tomorrow is the big day!  I start my new job, bright and early :-)  Wish me luck!  I can't tell you what a relief it is to finally be putting an end to all this job searching and uncertainty.  

There is a whole set of emotions, both good and bad, that accommodate that. The good is the relief that I have found work, of course; no longer having to endure those sleepless nights filled with anxiety and fear.  (My husband and I can not make it on just one income.)  The bad- all those doubts that waste no time filling your head.  Is this the right job?  Will I fail at this?  What if I suck? Will the pay be enough?  Will I get along with people?  How will we cope with being on different shifts?   

Did you ever notice that even when something good happens, you are really just exchanging one set of disturbing emotions for another!?  LOL  Or maybe that's just me and why I need to keep my nose in the self-help/positivity books!  I can tell you there are reasons for my doubts.  I have had a string of terrible jobs where I have been under paid, under valued, and have endured abuse from my boss.  They have affected my health, my relationship, and my self-esteem.  I have been told over and over again by friends, family, and co-workers that I deserve better, am too smart, and too gifted to be settling for the kind of work I have in the past.  Is that another fat girl characteristic!?!  To allow abuse because others see qualities and abilities you don't see in yourself..??  I'm not sure, but much of it comes down to my own decision making.  If the books I'm reading are correct, I am the one common denominator in all these situations.  I am, even if only subconsciously, choosing to be taken advantage of.  

I think much of it comes down to having started working at a very young age. While you may think the extra experience is good character building, when you enter the work world at a young age (in my case two years before the legal age) you really are entering an adults world.  Because you are where you are not supposed to be, you learn to roll with the punches and accept questionable treatment as part of the trade-off for earning money.  Funny how that mindset can follow you into adulthood.  I was unusually independent at that age and didn't receive a lot of guidance from my parents.  Their occasional input seemed to air more on the side of practicality.  They were not taught, "follow your dreams" or "do what feels right," more, "do what you have to do!"  So, in turn, that got taught to me.  I abandoned my passions of writing and photography for more sensible jobs that I was good at, but secretly loathed.  I think this led to a lifetime of unsatisfying work.

I may have started out tolerating unsatisfying working conditions because I was young, but it didn't take long before I was doing the same thing as an adult for fear I couldn't support myself.  Employers know that and take advantage of it.  Often times we are not locked into a particular position because we need the income, but because we either don't have the energy to make a change or are unwilling to make the sacrifices necessary to unburden ourselves, be it cutting down to one car, downsizing a home, or telling our kids or ourselves we can't have certain things.  Can anyone relate??

I am proud to say the job I am taking tomorrow, which is still a long way off from the pay, benefits, or recognition I deserve, is in an area of interest I wish I had never abandoned.  Is it too late??  Will it solve the pangs of depression I have about my career choices?  I don't know.  But at least I'm trying something different.  If following my passions does not excite me enough to get past the long hours and less than impressive pay, than at least I know the next job needs to have good money, great benefits, and a ton of respect! Wait, does that still exist in modern day America!?! ;-)

The most important lesson from this week's readings is:  You are exactly where you are supposed to be.  I must trust that and believe it when I walk through the doors for the first time tomorrow.  I can not allow myself to be a victim anymore.  I must set the tone of respect and value for myself from moment one, and maintain that throughout this experience.  I am not the fat, old, latecomer to this profession.  I am the star!

“Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need.” ~From the movie Fight Club

POSITIVE PEOPLE HAVE BETTER LUCK!

Coming off the heals of prior discussions about my family history, negativity, and the belief that there is a curse, I thought I'd share a thought provoking article with you.  It reconfirms the principles I've been trying to embrace which is, luck is not genetic, only learned behaviors, misperceptions, and failure to accept responsibility is.  While many of us are suffering at the hands of some pretty trying circumstances, I think this article hits the nail on the head when it suggests that too many people succumb to "fatalism," rather than exercising some means of control.  I hope you enjoy.

Bad Luck Article


"The harder you work, the luckier you get." -Gary Player

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY CAN MAKE

I have a dear friend.  She is old enough to be my mother and very wise.  I have always been able to take my problems to her.  When I have, she has reminded me of one very clear mantra she lives her life by, "what a difference a day can make!"  Her motto rings true for almost every bad situation I've ever been through.  It may be a day, a week, a month, or a year, but what a difference a small period of time can lend.   I wish people contemplating suicide would understand this concept.

You can be sick as the dickens, and a week later feel great.  You can be lonely and hurt, nursing the wounds of a relationship gone bad, and a year later be engaged to be married.  Or in my case, you can be devastated over a career opportunity, and a month later be accepting an offer for the very job you just got turned down for.  I have seen this concept put to test hundreds of times, and it always rings true.

If you recall in my, THE WORLD IS ON FIRE post, I complained of being out of a job and struggling to find work in a creative field.  Fearful I would have to return back to the trade I had fought to get away from, I was beginning to lose hope in this new career path I'd chosen.  So far, all it has done was lead me to the unemployment line.  But with only three weeks of unemployment compensation left, and the paralyzing fear that I was not going to find a job at all, much less one in my new field, I landed the exact position I had applied and been turned down for in August.  This is nothing shy of a miracle.

On August 22 I wrote, "Right now I stand nervously awaiting a decision that affects my present and my future.  I have done all that I can to influence things in what I hope is a positive way.  The rest is up to God.  Here's to hoping the push, enables a pull in the right direction for me.  Only time will tell."

The decision I was referring to was about a job offer that was likely to determine whether or not I was going to stick with pursuing my passions, or return back to my former line of work.  The news I heard that day was that someone else had been chosen for the position.  But time has told a different story.  The same position re-opened at this company and I was selected :-)

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours."- Henry David Thoreau